


Grief: It's Blue

by not_rude_ginger



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-28
Updated: 2006-06-28
Packaged: 2018-08-16 04:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8086921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_rude_ginger/pseuds/not_rude_ginger
Summary: Archer, T'Pol and Trip's reactions to the news of Shran's death. Set between "Terra Prime" and "These Are The Voyages."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

Jonathon Archer sat in his quarters, lying on his bed. He had been that way since the news had arrived. He was still in shock, unable to process it, it didn’t seem possible. Trip had offered to stay with him, help him get drunk in celebration of the life that was now gone. He’d said no. There was something about this that made him want to be alone. Porthos whimpered beside him as if to say

 _“I feel your pain. I miss him too”_ Jonathon stroked his beloved beagle, the short fur felt like silk under his finger tips. _He_ had like Porthos, although he’d never have openly said it. He would always pet the small canine when he thought Jonathon wasn’t looking and once he’d smuggled him cheese although Jonathon had never remembered to ask him how he knew about Porthos and his cheese. He’d always had a sixth sense about some things, he always knew when Jonathon really needed help, maybe it came with the antennas. Jonathon sighed miserably as he stood up. He walked over to the cabinet and from within it he pulled out the clear bottle full of the blue liquid which he intended to drink till he couldn’t remember his own name, let alone _his_ name.

The pain was surprisingly cruel, gnawing away at his insides, turning his stomach, he’d already brought up his dinner when he’d entered his quarters. As he took a large mouthful of the liquid that burned yet cooled his throat he flashbacked to the meeting of him. If anyone, even God himself, had said that he’d feel this way when he got the message he would have told them to get their heads checked by Phlox. He giggled softly as the potent drink began to take effect, remembering their second encounter and the complaint of lack of sleep because of his debt.

Was that when their friendship began? Or was it when Jonathon had helped him and his people reach an agreement with the Vulcans? Whenever he would now be able to admit to having been delighted to see him in the Expanse when his ship had arrived to pull them out of danger, again. He had listened to T'pol but he hadn’t wanted to believe it. Still she had been right, damn her! But the look in those brown eyes after Jonathon lashed out had been surprisingly calming because they were full of regret, full of sadness at the lie. But how much of it had been a lie? How much of the supposed friendship had been deceit? He’d come through in the end, without him the weapon would have destroyed Earth.

Archer giggled again, he’d never told him that a school had been named after him, or that he was the most popular alien among adults and children alike. The giggle was one of regret. He should have told him about the school, should have told him that he was a friend. He had shown it in his manner, it showed in the way he spoke to him, but had he known that Jonathon considered him an important friend? Probably not. Or had he?

Jonathon’s giggles faded and his face became a mask of sorrow. A tear fell loose and he wiped it away in surprise. It’s funny how you can spend years with people, see them everyday and yet never call them friend and, in contrast, you can have massive struggles every time you see each other, which only happens occasionally, and think of them as deep friends.

People are funny that way aren’t they?

Porthos whined again, and his ears drooped. Maybe he had liked the dog because his antennas were similar to the ears in how they moved to show emotion. Jonathon had always enjoyed watching them, no matter his mood. They would move in an almost hypnotic fashion.

Of course now they would never move again. His stomach turned again, this time out of guilt. How many times, regardless of intention, had he been there to help, had he been the one they could work with in big issues. And yet when he had needed help Jonathon hadn’t been there to give it. Jonathon should have been there, should have sensed his need like he could sense Jonathon’s.

Nothing could be done now, too late now. So the only left to do was swallow the last of the drink and say goodbye before he passed out.

“Goodbye Shran.” 


	2. Surprises

T’Pol had found that since joining Enterprise, many things were surprising her. Her relationship with Trip was a very good example. Now however her surprise was at her own reaction to the news of a death. She was upset by it. It amazed her that she was upset by this passing. The two of them had hardly ever agreed to anything, constant tension between them due to their respective races’ suspicion of the other. She sighed as she attempted to meditate. She quickly found that place she always went to, the white mist swirling around her. Underneath it thrashed dark mist, her emotions, covered by the white mist of logic. The news had weakened her barrier slightly. She concentrated on the mist and building it up.

“I wouldn’t have expected you’d be bothered by my death Vulcan.” She jumped, again she was surprised. “Then again you seemed to always be full of surprises.” There he stood, his arms crossed over his chest in a relaxed manner, his lips curled into a small smirk. She rose to her feet and they began to circle each other.

“I will admit to surprise myself at my distress of your demise.” she stated, unashamed of anything she said, she knew this wasn’t real, he wasn’t real, he was just something her mind created in an attempt to understand her feelings. He laughed

“So why did you feel upset if I may ask?”

“I am uncertain, you irritated me whenever we encountered each other. You act rashly, illogically and your temper left much to be desired.”

“True but you in turn frustrated me, that infuriating Vulcan superior attitude, the mistrust that you always laid bare for everyone to see.”

“You made no secret of your contempt for me.”

“I have personal reasons, you merely had stereotypical beliefs of your government.” She supposed that was fair, Trip had told her about Shran’s brother after their encounter in the expanse during their nuropressure sessions.

“You deceived us, you destroyed a Vulcan monastery.” She felt that justified mistrust.

“Both times I was on orders, you know that.” She sighed in irritation then paused and studied him. He waited, the antenna moving suspiciously.

“I believe I know why I am upset by your death.” He smirked, extending his arms out

“Well do tell all.” he taunted.

“You always kept your emotions open, you rarely hid them, I suppose that I was fascinated by that, you were able to experience emotions at an intensity that rivalled a Vulcans suppressed ones, yet you were able to live with them, you were even able to indulge in them.”

“You wanted that?” It was more a statement than a question.

“I was intrigued by it, yes.”

“And yet that doesn’t tell me why you're upset.” He cocked his head to the side,

“I believe I do-did… appreciate your presence for those reasons, and now it is gone I don’t believe I shall ever see such a thing as it again.”

“And you’ll miss that?”

“I am Vulcan, I don’t miss things.” She turned away feeling satisfied at her analysis.

“Are you sure?” She turned sharply but he was already gone, and he was right, she did miss it.   


	3. Its Not Right

Trip knew he could have had anyone clean out the plasma relays, he didn’t need to do it, but he needed a distraction. Trouble was, when you can do something without really thinking because you know it so well, it’s not really much of a distraction. He just couldn’t believe it, the news seemed to have come in a dream, not over a view screen. He could remember the way his insides froze and his stomach dropped. Jon’s whole body seemed to deflate as he sank into his seat.

 _“I’m sorry to inform you that Commander Thy’lek Shran was killed in a confrontation with the Orions.”_  

The words kept ringing in his ears, they just didn’t sound right. Shran was never meant to die! He froze as those words passed through his head.

_Shran was never meant to die?_

It was true, Shran was this person, this presence, who showed up when they needed him and lived forever. At least he was in Trip’s eyes. While in the Expanse they’d gotten to know each other, and from then on Trip had considered Shran something of an older brother who was always watching out for others. He always did in a way, whether it was Enterprise, his planet and people or his crewmen, he always looked out for others. How could he be gone? Trip just couldn’t accept it. He shook his head; he had to get out of engineering! He never thought he’d admit that but he did.

“Kelby finish this off for me!” he exclaimed sharply. Kelby rushed to obey, not dumb enough to refuse. Trip stormed out of engineering and stomped down the corridors. He didn’t have a clue where he was going, he just wanted to run away from all these thoughts, away from Shran who seemed to be dogging his every step. He actually whirled around, expecting to see the Andorian standing there ready to tell him it wasn’t true. But no there wasn’t, there were just human crew members giving him worried looks.

He found himself in the gym and jumped on a treadmill, deciding he could literally run from his problems till he dropped. He ran and ran, but thoughts still plagued him, had Shran been on a ship? If so had he been in command like he deserved to be? The message the Andorian General had given them had been void of any real information save the fact that Shran had died and the Orions had been the cause. Had Shran been on a planet, struggling with Orion pirates? **How had he died?!** Trip smashed his hand on the consol of the treadmill, frustrated as he wished he’d been there to help him. Shran had helped save his whole planet and Trip couldn’t help save the shorter man’s life! Frustration filled him as he adjusted the setting to maximum and ran for all he was worth. He just couldn’t stand it. Shran was meant to be around forever! He was just one of those people you never expect to really be gone, just like Elizabeth…

His sister was supposed to be around forever, but she was gone, just like Shran. The old pain of his sister came back, joining the fresh pain of the loss of Shran.

The running.

Wasn’t.

Working! 

Trip gave up running and switched the machine off. He walked to his quarters and collapsed on the bed feeling miserable. The Andorian was his friend, and now he was gone. It just wasn’t right.

“It’s just not right!” he shouted as he lay on his soft bed. He fell silent and slowly into a restless sleep with the questions becoming images in his mind.

In the morning it still wasn’t right.


End file.
